butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
