Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
