I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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