Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
