i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
