WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
