we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
