I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
