How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
