After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
