this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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