btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
