I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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