This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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