just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
