I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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