Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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