Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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