i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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