So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
