would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize