Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize