dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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