Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
