Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
