I have demons in me.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
