You're my little dorito
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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