Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Randomize
