We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
