My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
