I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
