He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have feelings that need drinking.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
