Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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