Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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