I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize