don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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