Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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