Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
