...so i touched it.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
