guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
