i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize