Kiss
Puke
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
