Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Panties = found
Randomize
