i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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