i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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