It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You smell like stripper and shame
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
