You're my little dorito
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
