No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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