I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
