Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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