I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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