All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
