Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
