theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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