oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
