I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
