Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
