Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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