woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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