Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it was like having sex with a tree stump
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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