There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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