why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
