It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
