This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
