Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize