yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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