Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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