Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
