if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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