So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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