you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
