we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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