I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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