we made out on top of his cat.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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