There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
