Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
