I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I cut my penus on the lid.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
