Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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