i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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