My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
